If on a lazy Sunday afternoon, you happen to be at a wine cellar in suburban Florida, sharing a cheese platter with your friends on the open-air patio, you may see a twentysomething girl hunkered in the corner by herself, slurping on bottomless mimosas and scribbling things down in her OfficeMax notebook. Psst…that’s me. For … Continue reading Why God Lets Me Feel Lonely
Why ‘F*ck Everything” is Not Very Christian
I look up from my phone and smoke puffs out of my nostrils. Oh. No. He. Did. Not. I’m like, what is this feeling, so sudden and new? Ah. Anger. I feel anger. I won’t say why. Let’s just say something very unfair happened. I pocket my phone and gun the engine. Then I take … Continue reading Why ‘F*ck Everything” is Not Very Christian
Why I Can’t Be By Myself
I’m at a pizza place by myself, sweating through my coffeeshop T-shirt and chewing on a slice of pepperoni. As I scroll through the contacts on my phone, my fingers leave greasy smudges on the screen. I call the leasing office at my apartment complex and, when a lady answers, I say: “Hi. So, erm, … Continue reading Why I Can’t Be By Myself
Jesus and the Single Girl
She’s wearing a ring. I just met her today at the coffeeshop and now we’re splitting Ben & Jerry’s in the Walmart parking lot. The Florida sun wages warfare on our shoulders. I point my plastic spoon at her wedding ring and say: “How do you do it?” “What do you mean?” she says. “How … Continue reading Jesus and the Single Girl
What I Long For the Most
“Rachel, are you joining?” A woman at church points to a stack of paperbacks in her Amazon Prime box. I stare. Open my mouth. Close my mouth. “The women’s Bible study?” she adds. Oh. Bible, good. Women, good. Studying together, good. “Yes,” I say. She hands me a copy of the study book. I examine … Continue reading What I Long For the Most
Being Obsessed With You
All it took was one text message. Hey, she said. That thing you said on Monday… I look up from my phone. My mind jumps back. What did I say on Monday? Ah yes. I remember. I mentioned how 2018 was not my favorite year. (Why? Grab a coffee with me and I will probably not … Continue reading Being Obsessed With You
Feeling Offended
I’m going to cry. I need to wait for it to be socially acceptable to leave the room first. Then I’m going to find myself a safe space and cry. Maybe in five minutes. I feel the cry perched in the roof of my mouth. I can summon it whenever. Just not now. Five minutes. … Continue reading Feeling Offended
